One Small Step for Apathy

I am SO excited I could just squee! Well, not really, because real men don’t squee.

Or tweet.

The Apathy Times, “Yesterday’s News When We Get Around To Printing It,” reported yesterday that Mayor Wrinkles’ plan for turning the great dirt pile on Main Street into a vibrant shopping Mecca have taken a gigantic turn to the… southeast, I suppose. What direction is Mecca from Apathy, Kansas? If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, shouldn’t we be praying to our feet?  There I go on another one of those tangents.

As you may recall, Mayor Wrinkles has made it his mission to bring commerce to our small village. So far his tenure has brought us an Arby’s, a Burger King, a small Mexican restaurant, a Popeye’s Fried Chicken, a Sonic, and a Barista’s Coffee Shack. We have an Ihop under construction and two brand new strip malls with 95% vacancies.

But wait! There’s more!

The gigantic dirt pile on Main Street has been taken over by a third developer and our city council approved plans to add…

Wait for it…

A McDonald’s!

Apathy, Kansas, joins the 21st century! We get out very own set of golden arches!

SQU-

Yeah!

This may be good for our small town. I wonder if we've finally found our anchor store.  After McDonald’s adds it’s particular brand of fat to our community’s diet, we should be just about the right size to attract a Weight Watcher’s, a Slim 4 Life, a Nutrisystem, a Jenny Craig, and another unused gym or two to compete with our mostly unused gym in one of the empty strip malls.

Now that’s progress!

P.S.  Councilman Newfangled, all jokes aside, I know you work hard for us. Especially on French door installations. Thanks for all your hard work on a mostly thankless job!