Thing 1 and Thing 2, How Does That Work For You?

“Wow the comments on here are just making me laugh, the level of ignorant bigotry is unreal. Enjoy your sheltered lives, I hope none of your kids grows up to realize they are gay, with parents like you.”

- Firefaery

I lost a reader last week. I noticed that my “followers” count dropped from 73 to 72 people right after Firefaery told me that I am an ignorant bigot. This may be coincidence, but I doubt it. This was in response to my post concerning the State Department’s decision to drop “Mother” and “Father” from passport applications in favor of “Parent 1” and “Parent 2,” which I erroneously described as “Parent A” and “Parent B.” The change to the application is clearly intended to meet the desires of the homosexual community. Homosexual activists have been working towards this end for years.

The fact that I lost a reader isn’t a big deal, but the reason why is a reflection of one of the biggest problems this country faces. As a nation, we have lost the ability to respectfully disagree with one another. We have become a nation full of people who participate in society with an attitude of “I’m going to take my ball and go home if I don’t get my way.” I have been guilty of that in the past. I try very hard to not live that way now. I know that the United States will never solve our problems if we continue to hurl insults at one another rather than discuss similarities and differences. The homosexual and heterosexual communities have more in common than either side will admit. We’ll never acknowledge those differences if one side accuses the other of being ignorant bigots and then walks away from the conversation.

The words “mother” and “father” are more than just titles. They carry with them an identity that is inseparably emotionally and physically intertwined with a parenting responsibility, as well as with a relationship between a parent and a child. Each gender brings to the parenting table traits that the other cannot provide. A man cannot be a mother and a woman cannot be a father, no matter how much some people may wish otherwise. There are homosexual couples who raise children, but those children do not have a mother and a father. They have two fathers or two mothers, or in the case of one biological parent being gay, two fathers and a mother or two mothers and a father. That is simply not the same as having a mother and a father in a traditional family. To suggest otherwise is folly.

I did not pass judgment on gay parenting in my post. I did not comment on the pros or cons of gay parenting. I did poke fun at the idea that mothers and fathers should be expected to change the words they use to classify themselves, words that reflect a very real and important part of their identity, because gay parents have a difficult time accurately identifying themselves. If gay parents think that I am wrong, please start to openly refer to your parents as “Parent 1” and “Parent 2.” Call the woman formerly known as “mother” on the phone and ask, “Hey, Parent 1, how are you?” Call the person formerly known as “Father” and say, “You know, Parent 2, I love you.” Please have your children call you “parent 1” and “parent 2.”

Let me know how that works for you.

A Brief Word From Parent A

Hi! It’s me, “Parent A.” That’s my new official designation from the US State Department, that group of citizens who want to show “recognition of different types of families” in our great nation by making passport applications gender neutral. I’ve spent the last few days retraining the children to call me “Parent A,” and to call my cohabitating partner who pledged to spend the rest of her life with me “Parent B,” but it is proving harder than I thought. The pesky little buggers don’t understand. They stubbornly stick to an out-dated, gender based language to refer to the two human beings whose copulatory efforts produced them; however, I am certain that with a careful and consistent introduction of new words I will successfully change their thought processes.

My calendar now reads “Parent B Day” and “Parent A Day” in May and June, respectively.

We pray “Our Parent A, who art in heaven,” before bed each night.

The new phrase around our house is “If Parent B ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

We sing Paul Simon’s famous song, “A Parent B & Child Reunion,” as well as Willie Nelson’s “Parent B, don’t let your children grow up to be cowboys.”

And we can’t forget John Mayer’s poignant lyrics:

"Parent A’s, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into Parent B’s
So Parent B’s, be good to your daughters, too"

Predictably, there is some argument starting to take root in the house. Why is the person formerly known as “Father” now “Parent A?” Why isn’t the person formerly known as “Mother” now “Parent A?” The question that needs to be answered is, “Who wears the Parent A in the family?”

I think I’ll leave that to another blog.