Wednesday, December 22, 2010

This Little Piggy Went to Arby's

When the cop met me at the front door holding a long pole with a slip noose on the end I knew that it couldn’t be a good sign. The poles are used for catching animals, but my dogs were in the backyard. It was their incessant barking that led me to investigate the source of their aggravation. I thought the pole was a little extreme for a chicken. My six-year-old daughter can catch our hens with her bare hands, so if one of them had jumped the fence, I’d just send her out for a chicken round-up. The image of two uniformed officers running around the yard, trying to catch a chicken, briefly crossed my mind. Apathy police are generally a pleasant lot, so I ignored the amusing thought and addressed the officer.

“Good afternoon.” I smiled.

“Do you own a pig?” he asked.

“A pig?” I replied. That was an unexpected question. “No, I don’t own a pig. Did you get a report of a pig running the neighborhood?”

“We have one cornered by your gate,” he informed me.

A pig? In my yard? Seriously? Why? WHY? Why do these things keep happening? Most people get a stray dog or cat on their property. Occasionally, a coon or a possum. But, Arby? Noooooooo! Arby gets a stray pig!

Sure enough, when I walked around the corner of the house, another officer was standing with his long pole in one hand. Secured at the end of the pole was a young, black, ornery, squealing pig. Two feet away, on the other side of the fence, were two dogs thinking, “Bacon and eggs! Yup, yup! Bacon and eggs!” They were telling the entire neighborhood of their excitement.

The pig wore a red harness similar to a training harness that you’d place on a dog. This was obviously someone’s pet.

I offered to take the pig off their hands. I know a guy in Missouri who would love to fatten this hog before adding it to the contents of his deep freeze. It was about that time that my neighbor arrived home. She pulled into her driveway, opened her window, and asked, “Did you get a new animal?” She was laughing as she asked, as if the addition of a pig in my yard was completely within the realm of possibility. Really? It also appeared that the idea of a pig in my yard was no big deal for her. I have to be grateful that she is so flexible.

The police put the animal in the back of their cruiser and went in search of the owner.

No, I didn’t grab a camera. That was the first question The Boss asked when she arrived home from work. “They’re going to think you make up this stuff,” she told me. “I wish you grabbed a camera.” I kinda wish I had proof of this story, too. If it makes the police blotter in my local paper, I’ll scan a copy and post it.

This little piggy went to Arby’s

15 comments:

twisted said...

You're becoming a sitcom. Boarding in Bedlam a new Fall Premeire for next year. Yeah, I'd watch.

Jane said...

Oh do I know about pigs :) My husband bought and sold feeder pigs for about 10 years. One year we had 10,000 of the critters go through our barn. Most of the time we didn't have trouble loading and unloading. But once a couple got away from us -So hubby used a horse to track them down - he got one of them with a lasso. So we had ourselves a pig roundup :)

Michelle said...

I think Jane hit the nail on the head. You should have videod the pig roundup. That most certainly would have entertained millions of viewers on youtube. Daring and dashing police officers try to lasso a pig. I'll bet it was pretty funny!!

Love reading your blog!!

Have a wonderful week!

Brownie said...

I believe the pig story. Pictures would have been fun though!

L. said...

Me? I'm waiting for the next exciting adventures of, because th, th, that's definitely not all, Folks (hmmm, there has to be a skunk in there somewhere).

Kathleen said...

You certainly don't need pictures as proof. We KNOW these things happen to you. We EXPECT these things to happen to you. For our enjoyment and entertainment.

Oklahoma Granny said...

I totally believe your pig story. After all - you're Arby and only things like that happen to you.

The_Kid said...

I hope they found his owner. Did he answer to the name Arnold btw?

ComfyDenim said...

I wonder if he went "wee wee wee all the way home" ..or was he the one that had roast beef? Maybe he was the one who had none and ran away??

^_^

TobyBo said...

you are so lucky. All the bloggable stuff happens to you.

Karen Kemi said...

Hi,
First time reader and first time commenter-er.
I'm Brownie's sister and Jane's daughter, Karen.

I TOTALLY believe the pig story but I agree pictures would have been cool.

By the way, if you ever read on Brownies blog about her 'red neck' sister? That's me......

Arby said...

@ Karen – Welcome! I knew I was picking up a northwestern Minnesota contingent here. Now I understand the relations. Thank you for stopping by. Keep coming back!

@ Toby – I know. It’s been a good week for collecting material.

@ComfyDenim – He went “Wee wee wee” all they way to the back see of the squad car. I never knew a pig could be so loud!

@ The Kid – I did call him Arnold. Either nobody caught the reference, or they didn’t think it was funny.

Subvet said...

Well if no one comes to claim him you might get some fresh ham out of the deal. Just don't let the kids get too attached to the porker.

Dapoppins said...

No camera in this day and age? YOU must have made it up cause there is always a camera handy!

Marlis said...

Arby, you are a strange sort of man. First the weedwackin' tallywacker and now a pig? Come on! We want pictures. Cops corraling a pet pig is too good to miss....