This Little Piggy Went to Arby's

When the cop met me at the front door holding a long pole with a slip noose on the end I knew that it couldn’t be a good sign. The poles are used for catching animals, but my dogs were in the backyard. It was their incessant barking that led me to investigate the source of their aggravation. I thought the pole was a little extreme for a chicken. My six-year-old daughter can catch our hens with her bare hands, so if one of them had jumped the fence, I’d just send her out for a chicken round-up. The image of two uniformed officers running around the yard, trying to catch a chicken, briefly crossed my mind. Apathy police are generally a pleasant lot, so I ignored the amusing thought and addressed the officer.

“Good afternoon.” I smiled.

“Do you own a pig?” he asked.

“A pig?” I replied. That was an unexpected question. “No, I don’t own a pig. Did you get a report of a pig running the neighborhood?”

“We have one cornered by your gate,” he informed me.

A pig? In my yard? Seriously? Why? WHY? Why do these things keep happening? Most people get a stray dog or cat on their property. Occasionally, a coon or a possum. But, Arby? Noooooooo! Arby gets a stray pig!

Sure enough, when I walked around the corner of the house, another officer was standing with his long pole in one hand. Secured at the end of the pole was a young, black, ornery, squealing pig. Two feet away, on the other side of the fence, were two dogs thinking, “Bacon and eggs! Yup, yup! Bacon and eggs!” They were telling the entire neighborhood of their excitement.

The pig wore a red harness similar to a training harness that you’d place on a dog. This was obviously someone’s pet.

I offered to take the pig off their hands. I know a guy in Missouri who would love to fatten this hog before adding it to the contents of his deep freeze. It was about that time that my neighbor arrived home. She pulled into her driveway, opened her window, and asked, “Did you get a new animal?” She was laughing as she asked, as if the addition of a pig in my yard was completely within the realm of possibility. Really? It also appeared that the idea of a pig in my yard was no big deal for her. I have to be grateful that she is so flexible.

The police put the animal in the back of their cruiser and went in search of the owner.

No, I didn’t grab a camera. That was the first question The Boss asked when she arrived home from work. “They’re going to think you make up this stuff,” she told me. “I wish you grabbed a camera.” I kinda wish I had proof of this story, too. If it makes the police blotter in my local paper, I’ll scan a copy and post it.

This little piggy went to Arby’s