Monday, January 10, 2011

A Brief Word From Parent A

Hi! It’s me, “Parent A.” That’s my new official designation from the US State Department, that group of citizens who want to show “recognition of different types of families” in our great nation by making passport applications gender neutral. I’ve spent the last few days retraining the children to call me “Parent A,” and to call my cohabitating partner who pledged to spend the rest of her life with me “Parent B,” but it is proving harder than I thought. The pesky little buggers don’t understand. They stubbornly stick to an out-dated, gender based language to refer to the two human beings whose copulatory efforts produced them; however, I am certain that with a careful and consistent introduction of new words I will successfully change their thought processes.

My calendar now reads “Parent B Day” and “Parent A Day” in May and June, respectively.

We pray “Our Parent A, who art in heaven,” before bed each night.

The new phrase around our house is “If Parent B ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

We sing Paul Simon’s famous song, “A Parent B & Child Reunion,” as well as Willie Nelson’s “Parent B, don’t let your children grow up to be cowboys.”

And we can’t forget John Mayer’s poignant lyrics:

"Parent A’s, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into Parent B’s
So Parent B’s, be good to your daughters, too"

Predictably, there is some argument starting to take root in the house. Why is the person formerly known as “Father” now “Parent A?” Why isn’t the person formerly known as “Mother” now “Parent A?” The question that needs to be answered is, “Who wears the Parent A in the family?”

I think I’ll leave that to another blog.

14 comments:

Becky said...

Oh wow, Arby!! I had no idea that this was changed! WOW! Makes me crazy!!!!!

jugglingpaynes said...

And now I keep thinking about Thing 1 and Thing 2.
LOL! Can't wait to get my passport applications!

Peace and Laughter!

firefaery said...

I know it seems silly :) But it's really just a great step for same-sex couples. It must be frustrating for them to have to try to figure out "the father" or "the mother" when they both may be the father or the mother, and it just evens the playing field out a little bit. What is usually an annoying process has been made to encompass everyone, which is great :)
*I apologise if 2 posts show up, something went wonky with my browser*

Arby said...

It’s funny how over the course of human history every language in every culture around the world has had a word for “mother” and “father,” but in 2010 we have to alter the nomenclature for 97% of society to accommodate the other 3%. If two people have “to figure out” who is “the father” or who is “the mother,” they might be doing something wrong. This usually isn’t a problem for the heterosexual community. Two men cannot be both the father and the mother to a child, and two women cannot be both the father and the mother to a child, any more than a husband can become a mother or a wife become a father. Women bring qualities to child rearing that men do not have. Men bring qualities to child rearing that women do not have. Our children are better off for it.

Kathleen said...

You know what ought to be annoying people more than the specific gender noted on a passport? The fact that the woman on the little blue sign for the restroom is not only a woman, but she is dressed in a DRESS!! They really ought to just use stick figures and label them Person A and Person B. That would make things so much easier.

firefaery said...

"2010 we have to alter the nomenclature for 97% of society to accommodate the other 3%." ... Is our society not about accepting everyone and ensuring people (we are all people) are treated equally? I don't think people should have to alter who they are just because someone thinks that their belief in God should dictate how the countries are run.
Just because different genders bring different perceptions and qualities to child rearing doesn't mean same-sex couples will do any less or better of a job of raising children than heterosexual couples. In many families I work with, the male or female of the family contributes little to nothing of value to the life of the child and the children would be better off if they weren't there, or if they had 2 females raising them like their mother, or two males raising them like their father does. :)

The_Kid said...

De-humaize the population. It's part of their mission. That'd be the Democrat party.

L. said...

There's a darn good reason why it's 97/3. Think about it. No really, THINK about it, and NO, we do NOT have to treat everyone equally just because we're all people. Enough already!

TobyBo said...

well, now, I think I am objecting to being delegated to "B" status.

firefaery said...

Wow the comments on here are just making me laugh, the level of ignorant bigotry is unreal. Enjoy your sheltered lives, I hope none of your kids grows up to realize they are gay, with parents like you

Arby said...

Firefaery, why is it that you cannot participate in respectful disagreement without resorting to personal attacks and name calling? Either everyone agree with you or they are ignorant and bigoted? We live sheltered lives? I'm betting you consider yourself tolerant and open minded, don't you? Yet, your comment suggests otherwise.

firefaery said...

....I'm not the one that thinks "we do NOT have to treat everyone equally ".
My opinions don't result in people being being discriminated against, because of something they can't help. One doesn't choose to be gay, and as such, should not be made to feel like a second class citizen, to please everyone else. A lot of people think it is a choice, when it is no more a of choice than someone being heterosexual, being a different race, or liking certain foods. It's just how it is :)

Arby said...

Firefaery, no matter which side of an issue you take, there can be no understanding of, and no respect for a person on the other side of the issue when one party resorts to name calling and taking an either/or position like you did. People can respectfully disagree without discriminating against anyone. I may disagree with the State Department’s decision regarding the verbiage on a passport form, I may feel like this is an instance of the tail wagging the dog, but the fact that I disagree doesn’t result in discrimination. It doesn’t cause discrimination. It is merely a disagreement over a word on a form. The homosexual community cannot win respect and acceptance with a club, and labeling someone with whom they disagree as ignorant, bigoted, and sheltered is a big stick used to verbally beat down the opposition. It will do nothing to advance the dialogue needed to find common ground but will do a mighty fine job of creating enemies where none existed before.

Arby said...

And no matter what you write here, I still like your blog post on public schools and homeschooling.