Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I Still Have My Man Card (I Just Can't Reach Back To My Wallet To Take It Out)

When we left the Mexican restaurant on my lunch date with my wife and my daughter yesterday afternoon, there was three or four inches of snow on the ground with more falling. I walked to the car and started it. My intent was to drive to the front door of the dining establishment so that the ladies wouldn’t have to trudge through the snow to get in. As luck would have it, a slick pavement coupled with a slight incline to the parking stall (Leavenworth, Kansas, is hilly!) proved to be just enough to cause the car to slide forward rather than roll backwards. None of my cold weather driving skills helped, and I soon found the Boss and our daughter standing at the side of the car. The Boss loaded the girl into the rear seat before the following conversation took place:

“I’ll push,” the Boss said.

“No you won’t,” I replied.

“I’ve got boots on, you don’t,” she said. “I’ll push you out.” This is the practical, Minnesota, tomboy, airline ramper that I fell in love with and married. You can take the girl off of the blue collar ramp, but you cannot take the blue collar off of the girl, no matter how much she protests otherwise.

“OH, NO YOU WON’T!” I told her. “I will not sit in a car while my wife pushes me out of a parking stall.”

Folks, a man doesn’t sit in a car and allow a woman to push him out of a snow bank. It just doesn’t happen. Not if I want to retain a shred of self-respect. I don’t care if my back felt then like it does now. I’d still get out and push.

I opened the door and stepped out of the car. She sat down, put the car in reverse, and after two attempts and two mighty pushes the car was on the street, ready for the ride home.

Five minutes later I was convinced that my lower back was still on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

That’s where my family doctor and good narcotics enter this story.

I’ve spent the past twenty four hours wincing around the house bent over like an osteoporotic hunchback looking for the next bell to ring. I could be the cover model on the next issue of Kyphosis Quarterly. Of course, the Boss has been teasing me. “You should have just let me push. I had the boots.” Both my doctor and his nurse replied the same way when I asked them if a man should allow his wife to push their car out of a snow bank while the man drove.

NO!

Chivalry isn’t dead.

But my back is.

14 comments:

The Boss said...

In fairness to you, I must tell you that every guy here at work today agrees with you also. They wouldn't have let their wife push you out either.

But shouldn't the title of the post be "I still have my 'Sex A' card...?"

Just sayin'

The Boss said...

Oops, meant "The wouldn't have let their wife push THEM out either."

Kathleen said...

"Chivalry isn’t dead." Well, I think your aching back is a small price to pay to show this is still true. 'Course my back is not the one hurting.

And the Boss is so right...you still have your Parent A card.

Becky said...

Arby... You are a true gentleman! Hope your back heals and feels better soon!

The_Kid said...

Good luck on the back. Maybe muscle relaxers would help. ?

Some Guy said...

I'll look for you on the next Kyphosis Quarterly.

Did you forget to push with your legs, not your back? You need good form, Arby, good form.

Brownie said...

Chivalry is alive! I understand where all men would agree with you - you don't let your wife push the car out.

But honestly? I'm with the Boss on this one - it would have been more practical to listen to her.

and to Some Guy: Is there a good ergonomic way to push out a car? My experience has been that something on your body is going to ache when you're done.

Yes, Arby, that is a "snowpoline". It was shoveled off on Sunday and it is again snow covered. Both kids have been known to jump on it in all seasons.

Oklahoma Granny said...

My husband wouldn't have let me push either.

Michelle said...

Not my hubby!! he woulda said okay, turned the music up and the heat on.........only kidding. I don't think he would've let me push.

Hope your back feels better soon!

Pippi said...

LMAO! My sympathies, but still, you should have let her push. I was helping my brothers push our parents' 16-passenger Dodge van out of snowbanks all through my teens. Usually my Mom pushed with us, unless she was driving. We women aren't helpless you know!

Of course, there did come a day when my Dad decided the boys were big enough to push alone and we weren't allowed to help any more. I wasn't a happy camper then.

I see you have shed the Grinch look. Oh well. I like the Grinch. He shares my view of society too often, hehe.

L. said...

This sort of gives new meaning to the phrase 'no good deed goes unpunished'. Doesn't it? The mental picture of 'an osteoporotic hunchback looking for the next bell to ring' you created is just too funny. You certainly do have a way with words, Arby. I really must check the magazine stands for a copy of Kyphosis Quarterly.

Lady Chadwick said...

huh, I can't drive, so if the situation should occur, I would have to push....That or let the Dude do it (8 year old son)

TobyBo said...

Ouch

Marlis said...

Oh no Arby, I hope you feel better soon. Just to let you know, my husband would have done the same thing. Your back might feel like crap but at least you feel like a man!