I am participating in Boundless Webzine's Boundless Summer Challenge. Task #2 asked us to read and respond to Scott Croft's series of essays on Biblical dating. His essays can be found here. Contest rules can be found here.
The secular me and the Christ-following me run a simultaneous dialogue in the back of my head while reading a series of essays such as Scott Croft’s “Biblical Dating.” The secular me asks, “You want me to behave how? Are you kidding? First of all, you never buy the dairy when you can get the milk for free. Secondly, you always test the milk first because you don’t want to be stuck with anything sour!” That works for dating, right? The newly emergent Christ-following me understands that Mr. Croft’s suggestions for appropriate Christian dating behavior recognize that God did not give us one standard of behavior for married life that recognizes His will, but the freedom to do as we please, sometimes behaving in a manner diametrically opposed to His will, before then. The secular me doesn’t recognize God’s supremacy. The Christ-following me understands that “as Christians, we don't get a free pass to carnality” while we are dating. I’d like to write that the newly emergent Christ-following me completely crushed the secular me, but I’d be lying. I understand the secular approach well. Several decades of secular living are difficult to shake off. I do wish that I learned this stuff earlier in life. It would have saved a lot of heart ache and expense. Either way, I am grateful for these lessons as I have children, one of whom is just recognizing that girls rock! I am trying to gracefully teach him now what I didn’t learn so many years ago.
These essays helped me coalesce those strings of scripture that I have repeatedly read and understood but have never gelled into one cohesive thought that I can easily explain to another person. If we love our neighbor as we love ourselves, then we want our neighbor to love the Lord our God with all their heart, soul, strength and mind. We do not want to lead them astray from God’s will. How can we do this while dating (from the man’s perspective) if we do not love our girlfriend the way that Christ loved the church? Did Christ do anything that caused a man to sin? Should we? Mr. Croft was correct when he advised that we should not “start what you cannot — without sin —finish.” It is quite challenging to transition fifteen years into our journey from a secular marriage to a marriage where I love my wife the way that Christ loved the church. By the Grace of God, it is changing.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, May 7, 2009
This Is Not The Time To Drop The Ball
The Boss was mad. She was really, really mad. She yelled unrepeatable phrases. She used words like “tart” and “hussy.” She shouted,”Not my baby! He’s too young!” What riled my normally temperate and well-freckled friend? It seems that a certain blonde haired young lady named Ashley who attends Apathy Middle School decided that General Mayhem is cute. She’d like to get to know him a little better.
The Boss looked at me as if I had done something wrong when I shared the news. “I really don’t want him to talk to girls until he’s 32,”she said.
General Mayhem told me that he thought a girl had a crush on him. This was Monday night in the car on the way to Karate.
“Is she cute?” I asked.
He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah.”
That was a HUGE admission from a young lad who, until Monday, professed that girls had cooties and weren’t worth the time and energy to talk to. I’ve been warning him for years that, that would change, but I did not take the opportunity to tell him that I had told him so.
Maybe now he’ll learn to appreciate deodorant.
He figured that she had a crush on him because she kept sending her friend Judy to ask the General what he thought of Ashley. Because he did not know what to say, his responses were limited to mumbling, “Yeah, she’s okay.” Then Ashley gave him a bag of potato chips at lunch, explaining that she didn’t like them.
“She likes you,” I confirmed. “Did you give her anything?”
“No,” he replied.
“We need to work on your approach,” I told him.
“That’s easier said than done, dad,” he shot back. “You’re good at talking to people.”
It was interesting that he should say that, because that is exactly what I told him he should do. He balked.
“Look, you’re not asking her to marry you,” I explained. “You eat lunch together at the same table with a whole bunch of other kids. Invite her to sit next to you at lunch. Talk about music or movies or classes.”
I am happy to report that it worked. They sat at a table with bunch of kids and they all told stories about embarrassing things that happened to them at school. He said that everyone laughed and had a good time. Score one for the boy. He took a gigantic first step for boys, mustering up the courage to speak to a girl.
The Boss is till struggling with this new development. She walks around the house muttering, “I’m not ready for this.”
I am. It’s happening a little sooner than I expected. I have to admit that I am happy to see that he has a genuine attraction to the opposite sex, as it should be. I’m ready to provide him with something that I did not get when I was his age – Christian guidance. Neither the Boss nor I will allow dating at this point. He’s too young to “go steady.” The boy can learn to be confident, to hold his head high, make eye contact, and use his good nature and sense of humor to talk to girls. It’s a skill. And whether or not we are ready for this – he’s there. This is not the time to drop the ball.
The Boss looked at me as if I had done something wrong when I shared the news. “I really don’t want him to talk to girls until he’s 32,”she said.
General Mayhem told me that he thought a girl had a crush on him. This was Monday night in the car on the way to Karate.
“Is she cute?” I asked.
He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah.”
That was a HUGE admission from a young lad who, until Monday, professed that girls had cooties and weren’t worth the time and energy to talk to. I’ve been warning him for years that, that would change, but I did not take the opportunity to tell him that I had told him so.
Maybe now he’ll learn to appreciate deodorant.
He figured that she had a crush on him because she kept sending her friend Judy to ask the General what he thought of Ashley. Because he did not know what to say, his responses were limited to mumbling, “Yeah, she’s okay.” Then Ashley gave him a bag of potato chips at lunch, explaining that she didn’t like them.
“She likes you,” I confirmed. “Did you give her anything?”
“No,” he replied.
“We need to work on your approach,” I told him.
“That’s easier said than done, dad,” he shot back. “You’re good at talking to people.”
It was interesting that he should say that, because that is exactly what I told him he should do. He balked.
“Look, you’re not asking her to marry you,” I explained. “You eat lunch together at the same table with a whole bunch of other kids. Invite her to sit next to you at lunch. Talk about music or movies or classes.”
I am happy to report that it worked. They sat at a table with bunch of kids and they all told stories about embarrassing things that happened to them at school. He said that everyone laughed and had a good time. Score one for the boy. He took a gigantic first step for boys, mustering up the courage to speak to a girl.
The Boss is till struggling with this new development. She walks around the house muttering, “I’m not ready for this.”
I am. It’s happening a little sooner than I expected. I have to admit that I am happy to see that he has a genuine attraction to the opposite sex, as it should be. I’m ready to provide him with something that I did not get when I was his age – Christian guidance. Neither the Boss nor I will allow dating at this point. He’s too young to “go steady.” The boy can learn to be confident, to hold his head high, make eye contact, and use his good nature and sense of humor to talk to girls. It’s a skill. And whether or not we are ready for this – he’s there. This is not the time to drop the ball.
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