Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Silence Was Golden


The sound was loud and distinct. It was followed instantly by a longer and louder wail from Major Havoc. We were a block from home, returning from a trip to the grocery store where the kids boisterously and relentlessly petitioned me for pizza for dinner.

"Captain Chaos hiiiiiiiit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Major Havoc bellowed.

"Nope, not me," she politely replied.

"She hit me on the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!" he complained

"No, I didn't," she responded matter-of-factly.

"You shouldn't do that!" the major scolded.

"Sorry, Major."

"She hit me hard!" I knew he was directing this last line toward me, since it was obvious by my silence that I did not comprehend the gravity of the situation.

And in her typical sing-song voice, the Captain told him, "That's what happens!"

I'm not certain what caused the slap. They were discussing this year's VBS at our church, a program called "Crocodile Dock." The Major was trying to get the Captain to say "Crocodile Dock" and not "Crocodile Rock," their favorite Elton John song. She was, but he wasn't understanding her. After being needlessly corrected a dozen times, I think she resorted to clocking him. I can see a dozen or so messages of support for the young lass coming from my regular readers, most of whom have probably used this tactic on brothers, boyfriends, or husbands.

What amused me about the entire episode was her simple and sincere denial of responsibility. She obviously didn't care that she was the only person in the back seat with the Major. She wasn't claiming that he slapped himself in the face in the middle of their sibling spat. She wasn't even claiming that he wasn't slapped. The Captain simply pretended that someone else had slapped him. "Nope, not me!" Where do kids get this from?

I might have learned the answer to that last question if I had bothered to ask how the kitchen drain became clogged. Alas, I didn't. I also did not get involved in the spat between the Major and the Captain. I never said a word. By the time I arrived at our driveway the whole matter was settled.

Silence, on my part, was golden.


Kathleen said...

You may have discovered the cure to Tattling--silence. Wait a minute, I've tried that. Doesn't work in my house.

May I borrow your kids for awhile for an object lesson?

Arby said...

If I must tell the truth, my silence was motivated purely by the entertainment value of listening for as long as possible as these two continued their schtick. Every moment of life is a potential blogging moment!

CrossView said...

Somehow, I just love that the Captain always seems to win. Poor, fragile, helpless, little female.... =P

Arby said...

She is her mother's daughter.

Rose said...

Ah, NotMe has been visiting you. I'd noticed that NotMe seemed to be on a brief vacation around here. Didn't think NotMe had gotten as far away as Kansas, though. We did seem to keep Somebody (as in Somebody made a mess). You can have both of them.