Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Best Little Chicken House in Kansas

Arby is on vacation this week. Please enjoy this post that originally appeared on Arby's Archives.

I was recently posed an interesting question by a fellow blogger. She asked, “Where do you get your ideas for your Homeschool projects?” The answer to that question comes from the answer to another question.

“We have aboslutely nothing to do this weekend. We don’t have to be anywhere or do anything. What would you like to do?” I asked the Boss last Friday.

“I want to sit back and watch you make progress on building our chicken coop,” she answered.

That answers the original question. Most of my ideas aren’t mine at all. If truth be told, I’m fairly boring. The Boss has all of the creative ideas, like hatching and KEEPING chickens.

I built the chicken coop, not that I have a clue how to design or build a chicken coop, and sent the Boss to the store to pick a paint color and purchase a can of paint.

“Barn Red is too brown,” she told me when she returned home. “I picked another red.”

I looked at the label on the can of paint. “Va-Va-Voom?”

The Boss looked at me sheepishly. “They guy put the clear tape over the color spot before it dried, so it looks pink. It’s really red.”

“Va-Va-Voom?” I asked. “You picked the color Va-Va-Voom?” Who, in their right mind, would make an exterior house color named Va-VaVoom?

“It’s red,” she explained. The she added, “It’s really, really red.”

After carefully painting the frame of the chicken coop, I prepared to apply a coat of “Va-Va-Voom.” That was when Major Havoc and General Mayhem began petitioning me to allow them to paint.

“Canwepaintthechickenhouse, dad, pleeeeeeeease. Huh? Dad? Canwepaintthe chickenhouse, dad, puh-leeeeeeeease. Huh? Dad? Canwepaintthechickenhouse, dad, puh-leeeeeeeease. Huh? Dad?”

Now I faced a parenting dilemma. My children wanted to take part in the painting process, a job that I planned on doing myself. I knew that if I painted, the chicken coop would look neat and clean. I also knew that I had to allow them to assist me in this project. So, I did what any fool dad should do, I gave my sons each a paint brush and a small jar of Va-Va-Voom. I explained where they were to paint, where to stop, and then turned them loose. I knew better than to stand over them and watch give directions. That would have lead to frustration for all of us. It would have killed their fun. So, I went inside and added a double shot to my coffee, just to deaden the coming pain.

They had fun.

That’s good, because not only did they paint below the line where I wanted them to stop, slopping Va-Va-Voom over my previously painted frame, but they painted willy-nilly over the hardware. All the hinges are red, as well as a new gate latch securing the large door on one side. It sticks. It should. There’s about an inch of paint on that sucker, compliments of an enthusiastic five-year-old Major Havoc. And you wonder where their names come from.

“We have a chicken bordello in our back yard,” I told the Boss after the kids finished painting. “It’s a fowl house of ill repute.”

She winced. “It’s a bit red, isn’t it?”

“Ya think?”

“Okay, go get the barn red.”

I purchased a can of barn red and repainted. Now The Best Little Chicken House in Kansas doesn’t look like it should be raided by the KBI. The hardware remains as is. I haven’t decided whether or not to repaint the frame. I’d hate to cover the kid’s endeavors. The chickens get their new home next week.


Sniz said...

"It's a fowl house of ill repute." Genius.

I loved the image of the inch of paint on the hinges. Such a kid thing to do. You described exactly how parents feel about their kids "helping".

CrossView said...

I love this post. Va-va-voom! A bordello for hens. Who said Kansas is boring?

Kathleen said...

Way to go,'ve picked some of my very faves from Arby's Archives! So you can still entertain even whilst away, huh?

Twisted said...

Your blogs are so entertaining! Even the ones I remember. Twisted.