Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Any Way You Look at it, We're Talking Buns Today

The two most frequently asked questions from recent blogs appear to be, “Arby, how do you know that you do not look good in leggings?” and “Did the heart and shamrock shaped burgers hold their shape?” It is refreshing to see that my readers are focusing on the important issues of the day. Let’s take the second question first, as it is the easiest to answer.

The heart and shamrock shaped burgers held their forms quite well. The biggest complaint I received from the family came from the Boss and the General. They both thought that I was a little weird for making something other than boring old round hamburgers. They both found that the burgers were a tad dry. That had nothing at all to do with the shape of the burgers, but rather the meat that I used. 92% lean beef doesn’t make for the tastiest of burgers. The Boss mumbled something about sand through a mouthful of crumbly beef. Let’s face it; you need just a little more fat than 8% for a tasty burger. So, we’ll be downgrading to 85-15 for our next round of burgers. I might venture into other shapes in the near future, as well as play around with making the corresponding shaped buns. Since this appears to be a topic of great interest, I will keep everyone posted as my burger experiments continue.

By the way, if you didn’t read Brownie’s comment on the burger blog, her “Eat your heart out” line was fantastic. I am sooooo jealous that I missed that one!

As for the leggings, well, just look for yourself. There is not a man on the face of the planet that looks good in these:

Does the word "Herm" come to mind?

Here's some stylin' hoops attire.

  Someone should be testing the water in this place.  Dig the love handles on the guy on the far right.

If those pictures don't make my case for the fact that no man should wear anything tighter than a burlap sack, consider the fact that a few decades ago I was a Madrigal singer. Madrigal singers wear fancy period costumes. Unfortunately, those fancy period costumes rarely include pants. They require leggings of some sort, usually the thin kind commonly referred to as tights. This presents a particular dilemma for the average guy, because if you don’t wear one of these tortuous contraptions

while wearing tights, you enter into Pudgyville. I think these were used quite effectively by Torquemada to convert heretics during the Spanish Inquisition.  Anyway, Pudgyville is not a good place to visit for the average man. If you doubt me, revisit the first picture.  Now, the problem that I discovered while wearing one of those contraptions pictured here is that they seriously chafe in an area that is just plain wrong. It’s like walking around with a permanent wedgy. Some places are just not meant to be flossed. And before anyone protests too much, I’ve never asked a woman to wear any equivalent items of undergarment and I never will. Women folk are crazy if they do. While a few women can pull off the no-panty-line look, I've never understood the whole fashion/pain thing.  I'll take the Boss in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt any day of the week. 
I am confident that no one I know from my madrigal days reads this blog, so no one will be sharing any pictures of me in tights. I do not have any to post. I wouldn’t even if I did, but I can say with complete honesty that since I do not relish reliving nightmares, I did not retain any pictures from that earlier period of my life.
I know.  I have demons.  They all started the day that the rump roast started talking to me.  But that's for another blog.


Michelle said...

As if the blog didn't leave me laughing, the label

Butt Floss

just kills me. Have a great day!!


oh-we expect photos of the shaped hamburger buns-aren't your readers demanding?

Teacher Mommy said...

I'm going to agree with you. Tights just are not a good look for a mortal man.

Superheroes, on the other hand, somehow manage to make them look good. If they have no other superpower, that's a doozy just by itself.

I'll admit to some curiosity about the supposedly nonexistant madrigal photos. But maybe it's just better to let sleeping--er, dogs, yes, that's it--lie.

Kathleen said...

So much to learn about much time.

The Boss said...

To quote my favorite Sesame Street character, Grover, from "The Monster At The End Of This Book",

"......oh, I am so embarrassed!"

The_Kid said...

I had a comment building as I started reading but it was gone by the time I got to the end. I think everything has been covered here. ;-)

CrossView said...

Where to begin? Hmmmm. Glad your burgers held that shape. Mine didn't. But then, I used the cheaper ground beef. So when you try it again, let me know. Important stuff. Except that I don't plan to try that again since it was for some holiday and I got lazy (ier).

So you wore leggings? I feel a burst of maturity and want to sing: "Arby wore leggings. Arby wore leggings." But I'll refrain. Refrain. Get it?

Ok, moving on. To the Boss - I LOVE that book!

And "butt floss"? My 13-yr old uses that term, too. Pretty um, visual....

I wonder if I can get Guy to try on leggings. ROFL!

I think that's it...

Linda said...

I am sincerely hoping that someone from the madrigal days is reading this because I would like to see it. (I would at least like to hear it)
Other than that, I think you gave us too much information. :o)

Oh, btw way, we use no fat meat, but it is grass fed so it still has mucho flavor. Try it! (or bison!)

Brownie said...

butt floss! I will have to remember that phrase!