Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Take My Dog, Please!

The only reason that I did not beat the coon hound within an inch of her life is because the Boss casually said, “Don’t kill her.” It was enough that I moved so quickly and forcefully that the young canine was cowering against the wall in a position of complete submission. I never hit her, and I am quite certain that her paws touched the ground at least a couple of times as I dragged her into the kitchen. She stayed as far away from me as she possibly could have for the remainder of the night, and she wore a muzzle for most of it.

My discovery of one of Captain Chaos’ slightly chewed $900 foot orthotics on the living room floor triggered the event. The Captain has worn foot orthotics for years. Keeping these expensive yet somehow aromatically attractive medical devices out of the reach of dogs has been a top priority. I don’t know what it is about the smell of feet that gets a dog so worked up that she climbed onto the kitchen table to retrieve the device. When I was a kid, we had a dog that slept with her nose in my dad’s shoes while the rest of us left the state due to the pungency of his foot aroma. Neither my brothers nor I inherited that trait (the foot aroma, not a propensity to face-plant in the old man’s foot wear) due mainly to the fact that none of us appreciate a can of Schlitz in the quantity that marked my father’s drinking career. The reason why still baffles medical science, but large quantities of alcohol created a podiatric malodorousness in my dad that thirty year's worth of sobriety cannot erase from our olfactory memory banks.  But I digress.  The pit bull used to roll in only the ripest of dead animals before returning to the house to shrieks of “Oh, my Lord, what did you get into now?!” The Big Fuzzy Dog is the sole pooch I’ve owned that seems to appreciate fresh, clean air.

I am sorely tempted to take the coon hound into a field, let her loose, and see whether or not she can outrun a bullet.

We are actively looking for a new home for The Great Mistake of 2009. The coon hound is, basically, a sweet animal. At one year old she is all puppy. She is housebroken, good with the kids and other animals, and spayed. She can also leap a chain link fence with ease, a fact that the police noted with amusement when they knocked on our door Sunday afternoon to inform us that the beast was spotted in our front yard. When I opened the door and saw the uniform I casually observed, “I see that you’ve met our dog. Do you want her?” The officer’s negative reply prompted my next question.

“Will you please shoot her?”

He wasn’t taking any of that action, either. He did take down our name and number, promising to offer the dog to any of his hunting friends.

The coon hound is free to the first family/hunter that wants her. We will drive her to her new home in any of the contiguous 48 states, Alaska, and Hawaii. She is current on her shots. This dog needs to be able to run, so very large yards, wide open spaces are needed.




Any takers? Just shoot us an e-mail.

11 comments:

CrossView said...

She is adorable! But alas, I have a husband who is too good a shot. Could be a bad thing... Especailly with daughters. Guy did also mention that breed's propensity to howling.

And I'm so glad you didn't inherit stinky feet. For some reason, that's a smell that my overactive olfactory sense simply can't tolerate. Nothing personal against the stinky feet crowd; just a smell that causes my overactive gag reflex to respond to.

Arby said...

This one doesn't howl, although she does "talk" a lot. It's rather funny to listen to.

Linda said...

Sure it is, Arby... wink, wink...

Brownie said...

OH I'm sure I could find hunting friends in MN that would take her. But not us.

speaking of booze and odor - when I was a CD counselor working with chronic alcoholics - the odor that emitted from some of them was horrendous. One guy kept apologizing to me for stinking - he took a shower twice a day and it was just the booze working its way out. interesting.

Kathleen said...

Was the foot orthotic salvagable (sp?)?

Seeing as how we just eliminated our Canine Chaos this past year, uh, no, don't want a new one. (And by "eliminated", I mean adopted out, not shot--that is for any PETA fans you have. Ha!)

My first piece of advice to you is that you post the coonhound on Craigslist; my pooch was snatched up within a 1/2 hour of my post. My second piece of advice is that you NOT include a link to this post on your Craigslist ad.

The_Kid said...

Arby, you need fish. They won't pee on your bed and they only chew what you drop in their tank.

TobyBo said...

I am so sorry about the orthotic.

Karla @ Ramblin' Roads said...

Aww... I'm sorry she's not working out for you. Our pup chewed through all 4 shoulder belts in our car when we left her too long once. That's probably the most expensive "mischief" she's gotten into. We think (hope) she's out-grown that by now... but we were already too attached when it happened to consider finding another home for her... although the thought did briefly cross our minds. But now, at 4 years, she's a sweetheart. So if you don't end up finding a good home for her, take heart. She may outgrow it!

CrossView said...

And I've been trying to figure out how you can drive to Hawaii... LOL!

mcnorman said...

Have you contacted any of the rescue places on the net? This is the dog that they want to place because of it's desired qualities, i.e. loves kids. The economy is driving many dogs to the local pound however, dogs that are this good (yes, as a hunter's mate) should find a home.

Arby said...

Crossview, I've been waiting for someone to notice that, too! Some of the best lines slip quietly past the readers...