Friday, December 4, 2009

Ya Got Trouble

Ya Got Trouble!
(From the broadway musical The Blogger Man)

Contest Host:

Well, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge,
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of a cheater in our blogging community.
Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in Blog Award City.

Why sure I'm a blogger.
Certainly mighty proud, I say, I'm always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend at my keyboard are golden.
Help you cultivate a sharp mind and a cool head and a keen eye.
Never take and try to write a hysterical post and leave your readers
Splittin’ their sides in Hee-lar-i-tee?
But just as I say, it takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score in a blogging contest,
I say that any boob can take and post a blog on the internet.
And they call that slop. The first big step on the road to the depths of deg-ra-Day--

I say, first an extra vote from your cell phone, then you're votin’ on every library in the tri-county area.
An' the next thing ya know you’re a hustlin’ for prizes in a pinch-back suit.
And list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper teachin’ you how to rig th‘lection.
Not a wholesome contest, no!
But a contest where folks head out onto the internet and beg for votes!

Like to see some no-account blogger Tweetin’ for votes? Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say. Friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six contestants in a category.
Jonesin’ for votes that mark the diff'rence between a writer and a bum,
With a capital "B," and that rhymes with "C,” and that stands for Cheater!

And all week long at the computer they'll be frittern away,
I say they’ll be frittern!
Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, teachin’ time too!
Getting on Facebook askin’ for votes,
Never mind gittin' schoolwork finished or the dishes washed or the children fed.
Never mind runnin’ Susie to dance practice, ‘til they are caught with the dinner table empty
And the laptop screen blue.

And that's trouble!
Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble.

I'm thinkin' of the bloggers in their jammies all day, their kids runnin’ reckless through the house,
begging friends and friends of friends to vote for them, too!
Right here in Blog Award City.
Trouble with a capital "T," and that rhymes with "C," and that stands for Cheaters!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda bloggers. So, ya’ know I’m not referring to you!
Would ya’ like to know what kinda conversation goes on while they're hustlin’ around for votes?
They're don’t care if’n you’re illiterate, or even ever heard of their blog.
They want you to click on a link, that’s all!
And braggin' all about how they absolutely hate to lose!

One fine night you’re a hundred votes ahead, and then votes come from the dead!
Numbers are a jumpin’ and you’re a losin’, too!
Some shamelss writer out-hustled you for votes,
They’ll grab your son and your daughter
And get them to vote against you, too!

Friends, a blogging contest is the devil's playground!


Trouble, oh we got trouble, here in Blog Award City!
With a capital "T," that rhymes with "C," and that stands for Cheaters!
Lots and lots of cheaters.
We've surely got trouble!
Here in Blog Award City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the voters moral at your home school!

Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Contest Host:

Writers of Blog Award City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
Are you voting more than once?
Withholding from your man until he votes for you?
Holding back dinner until the children text their friends and friends of friends?
A new iPhone hidden in the corn crib?
Are you starting to plead for votes in the line at the Piggly Wiggly?
Are certain phrases creeping into your conversation, like "Did you vote for me yet?”
And "For the love of all things wholesome will you please vote for me?!”

Well, if so my friends, ya got trouble,
Here in Blog Award City!
With a capital "T," and that rhymes with "C," and that stands for Cheaters.
We've surely got trouble!
Here in Blog Award City!
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!
Oh, we've got trouble. We're in terrible, terrible trouble.

That game with a popularity vote is a devil's tool!

Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "C"!
And that stands for Cheaters!!!


Kellie said...

Well, except for posting the voting link twice on facebook, I'm in the clear. Why you weren't nominated for the funniest blog is a mystery....

Teacher Mommy said...

Oh dear oh dear oh dear....

This makes me positively grateful I haven't been nominated for a "real" blog award (and those grapes are just a little sour, too). I think I'll stick to the sort with hearts and cookies and obscenities other bloggers send me.

CrossView said...

Obviously, I'm not in the loop. My confusion tells me this.

Michelle said...

I only voted once!! I did!! I can't seem to make it to the library to vote, or anywhere else for that matter!!

Loved the song. Still trying to figure out the melody......maybe I should get the cd..........

Oklahoma Granny said...

I'm innocent. I've got to be. I have no idea what's going on.

Linda said...

What the h@#* are you talking about?