Thursday, November 4, 2010

Say What?

As I listened to the Bott Radio Network yesterday afternoon, I heard a discussion between Dr. Richard Land and Dr. Erwin Lutzer concerning that status of Christianity in our country. The esteemed doctors were discussing the fact that in the Old Testament God used Israel’s enemies to punish Israel. They wondered whether or not God would do that to modern America. Then Dr. Land observed that shortly after 9/11 there were patriotic signs on porn stars across America.

At least, that’s what I thought he said.

You have to understand that I was cooking dinner when I listened to that radio broadcast. The Boss was already home from work, the Captain and the Major were making a lot of noise, and I was distracted by the black olives I was chopping. Black olives are dangerous that way. It can get loud here, but for a split second I really thought I heard the man make that observation about members of the adult entertainment industry.

“Wow,” I thought. “What a patriotic statement. Porn stars with ‘God Bless America’ tattooed to their…”

And therein lays the dilemma. If you were a porn star, exactly where would you get a patriotic slogan tattooed? What would your tattoo say? Should anyone have the words “God Bless” tattooed anywhere on their bodies, let alone porn stars? Not that their sin is any worse than mine, but if a young man or a young lady bothers to get the words “God Bless” anything tattooed to their body, it’s kind of overtly flouting God’s word if they return to the small screen for another round of heavy breathing.

I chopped the lettuce. Doctors Land and Lutzer continued their chat.

Seriously, would you be able to do the horizontal tango with someone who has the phrase “Support the Troops” written on their heiny? How about, “Four score and seven years ago…,” “Don’t tread on me,” or “The British are coming!” Me neither. Even in the deepest, darkest decadent days of my past, something like that would have scared me off.

I chopped the tomatoes. The radio broadcasters swapped stories about Billy Graham.

I think what Doctor Land initially said was that shortly after 9/11 there were patriotic signs in stores on every street corner across America.  “Store,” “porn,” “corner,” – it all sounded the same in the din of my active household. I might start listening to music while I’m cooking. It’s safer.

The tacos were completed and the interview ended at the same time. I called everyone to the table, and turned off the radio.

And then I said an extra long, quiet prayer before eating.

11 comments:

The Boss said...

How about "We the people..." between the shoulder blades?

Katydid said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! You crack me up!!!

offbroadway said...

Ya know, they could do a whole series of "Uncle Sam wants YOU" movies based upon this theory....

Kathleen said...

"Don't tread on me"...ha ha ha!!

Yes, I think it would be much safer for you to tune in to some music!!

Some Guy said...

Black olives are always dangerous and should be avoided at all times.

Brownie said...

I was going to start a whole essay on how Israel is God's chosen people and America is not... but I realize upon reading more: that wasn't your point.

So for tattoos... @ katydid: your phrase "you crack me up" could be tattoo'd on the butt. Appropriate.

Also on the butt the phrase "get thee behind me Satan." Oh, sorry - that's veering from the patriotic to the Biblical.

Okay. How about ... nope, the train left the track.

I've to to kick this nasty cold I have.

Arby said...

In a tribute to her late friend Joe Sobran, Ann Coulter wrote:

In the '80s, Bill Buckley suggested that AIDS sufferers be required to get tattoos on their buttocks to protect other gays. As all hell broke loose over his proposal, Sobran simply suggested that it might borrow from Dante: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

TobyBo said...

now I'm craving tacos...

L. said...

To TobyBo...Mmmm, that calls for guacamole too. :O)

Arby, you really must get a sense of humor.

Brownie said...

"Abandon hope....!" ROFL

ComfyDenim said...

LOLOLOL

it could give new level of meaning to "star spangled banner"...

And I agree with what Some Guy said...black olives are to be avoided.