The Thanks I Get for Serving

I hate parades. 

Have I ever mentioned that?  I don’t like the big fancy parades with floats and balloons and things.  I certainly don’t like the small town parades with…people walking down the street, or waving from the cab of their pick-up truck.  Antique cars don’t thrill me.  Neither does people shivering while sitting on a bale of hay on a trailer pulled by an Edsel.  The city of Leavenworth, Kansas, annually hosts the largest Veterans Day Parade west of the Mississippi River, and the second largest in the nation.  Everyone is expected to attend.   It’s really quite annoying.

 

There are no floats.  There are no flowers.  There are no character balloons. There are lots of cars with political signs taped to them.  Every high school marching band in the area joins the parade train, and every Cub Scout, Boy Scout, Girl Scout, and booster club join in the fun.   It’s really just people walking down the middle of the street looking bored, staring at the people lining the street looking back at them. 

  

“Hi, Flo!” 

“Hey, Floyd.  I see you’re marching in the parade again this year.” 

“Twenty-seventh year in a row.” 

“Where’s your float?” 

“Haven’t needed one yet.  Don’t see why I should start now.”

“See you next year, Floyd!”

“Same to you, Flo!” 

Some parades get fancy fly-bys by the Blue Angels or the Thunderbirds.  Two years ago we got two A10 Warthogs.   Those things will make the fillings rattle in your teeth.  This year we’re getting a Wright Flyer. 

 

For 12 seconds.  

  

On Monday, I’ll be walking in the Leavenworth parade.  I’m not sure what I did to deserve this punishment.  I’ve managed to avoid it six out of the seven years I’ve lived here.   The problem is that I am married to the Troop Coordinator of an American Heritage Girls Troop.  She needed a Pathfinder leader.  In a moment of weakness, I agreed to help her out.  Now I’m in charge of a den of five year old girls. 

  

Just shoot me.

The Troop Coordinator LOVES the Veterans Day Parade.  Her troop marched last year.  I managed to remain at home.  This year I’m pulling a red wagon containing one of Pathfinders.   How could I say no?  I sleep next to the Troop Coordinator.  I find I don’t sleep well when I have to sleep with one eye open.   

Oh, well.  If I drink enough Sunday night I should get through it just fine.  If you see a news report about a kindergartener pulling a wagon full of passed-out den leader through a parade, that’ll be me.  It might just be the most interesting entry in the parade.