Five Minutes in the Car

"Dad?"

Yes, Major?

"What does 'bitch' mean?"

Where did you learn that word?

"You know... I was justi...justi..."

Justified?

"Yeah, jusfstified. When I was five. You know, five. Like when I was five last year."

Go on.

"Raising cain, I spit in your eye. That's yucky. I won't spit in your eye, daddy."

I appreciate that.

"Daddy?"

Yes?

"What does 'raising cain' mean?"

It means causing trouble. Like when you fight with your brother and you two make a lot of noise. I think it comes from the Bible, from when Cain killed Abel.

"Cain killed Abel?"

Yep.

"That wasn't good."

No, it wasn't.

"Dad?"

Yes?

"What's a Bible?"

It's God's word written in a book for us to read. That's the book you write on when you fill in the attendance card at church. The brown one.

"Really?"

Yes. It's not just a clip board. It tells us how to live our lives. I have a children's Bible that you can read, now that you're a big boy reading books all by yourself. It tells us how to be good. It tells us who Jesus is.

"Jesus?"

Yeah, Jesus.

"Dad?"

Yes, Major?

"Who is Jesus Christ our corn?"

Excuse me?

"Jesus Christ our corn. That's what they say in church."

Is that what it sounds like to you?

"Yeah. Pastor says 'Jesus Christ our corn'."

He says "Jesus Christ our Lord."

"Our Lord?"

Yes.

"Not our corn?"

Jesus is the bread of life, but I don't think that bread was made from cornmeal.

"Huh?"

Never mind.

"Okay, but you never told me."

Never told you what?

"What 'bitch' means."

It means we listen to too much Elton John.

"But I like Crocodile Rock."

So do I, but I think we need to listen to some Wiggles.

"Okay, dad."