Monday, June 1, 2009

The Michelin Midriff

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog about being fat. I incorporated a bit of Weird Al's parody of Michael Jackson's "Bad" (appropriately re-titled "Fat"), along with a little discussion of being an over-weight middle aged man living in Chubby, America. As far as writing went, it was at best a mediocre effort. After one day I removed it. I think only one person read it.

I've had the opportunity to revisit the Michelin Midriff topic since I joined Weight Watchers two weeks ago. After mulling over the idea of joining for a couple of months I took the opportunity of free registration to sign-up. No, I didn't hit rock bottom. I didn't get a dire warning from my doctor. There was no diagnosis of some life-threatening-if-you-don't-slim-down disease. Nope, I decided on my own that the bloated feeling I had was a signal that physically I was about the pass out of the Bartlet Pear on Steroids category and into the Anorexic Watermelon Department. I was just tired of looking like Tim Allen in The Santa Claus when he sat on his doctor's exam table and complained about the large, latex, strap-on belly that jiggled when he slapped it like a bowl full of jelly. It's tough when you get winded from bending over to tie your shoes.

I didn't have a problem walking into the meeting. After all, I was among friends. Everyone there was there for the same reason. I felt...happy. I was pleased to be doing something productive. I paid my weekly membership dues and walked down the hall to meet my meeting leader. I met Jan, handed her my paperwork, stepped on the scale to the left, watched the numbers roll, and then clearly and calmly stated, "This one's broken." I pointed the scale on the right. "I'd like to try that one, please." I was actually 7 pounds heavier than that lying hunk of metal sitting on my bathroom floor upstairs told me I was. I stood there realizing that I had to lose 62 pounds. 62 pounds! That's like carrying around an extra six-year-old. This isn't Jared from Subway weight, but the last time my beeper went off the General thought I was backing up.

My meeting leader was a bit annoyed after I asked her to double-check my points-per-day total. She's limited to eating three stick pretzels and the rind from a ring bologna while I get loads to eat. I just didn't trust my own math. As far as points go, I get to eat 35 points worth of food each day, 36 per day the first week. That's a lot of eating on this diet.

One week later, I returned to my meeting 8 pounds lighter. The next week I walked in to the meeting four pounds lighter than that. Yes, that's 12 pounds in two weeks, and I only had to sacrifice 1 point from my daily allowance.

Now, I'm not new to this. I watched my wife practice the program a couple of times. I even did it with her. I dropped from 230 pounds to 217 and stalled out. Twice. 217 is my threshold. I'll have to work to get past that number. I also know that dropping 12 pounds in two weeks is not only not the norm, it isn't the healthiest way to lose weight. I'll get down to the 2-3 pounds per week rate that is healthier. It was nice way to kick start my weight loss.

So, when I walk out to get my mail it won't measure on the Richter scale. The ground won't crack when I fall down. I won't have more chins than China Town. I'm not eating pie ala mode, so I won't need my own zip code. But, I will go public with my little weight loss venture and track the weight loss as I go. I'd like to break the family history of diabetes and heart problems. There are three children who look up to me, who want me around for awhile longer, even though my oldest is quite vocal about how well I embarrass him in public. And there is this cute little girl who looks up to me with a smile. I'd like to dance with her at her wedding.

Note: Due to technical difficulties I had to re-post this blog, and I lost two comments in the process.

Kellie wrote: "Best wishes on your venture! I've tried WW a couple of times too. Actually I'm supposed to be trying it again right now, but I think I forgot.... "

TeacherMommy wrote: "I'm going to be very strong and not be snarky. But 8 lbs in your first week?!?! It's very hard not to see the male metabolism as profoundly unfair.Just sayin'.But I'll be rootin' for you!"

I'll take all the rootin' I can get!


CrossView said...

You go, uh, boy!

Guy and I have ventured onto the path of food-righteousness, too. Guy took a walk this evening and I even waddled along. But at least he didn't have to drag me! Ok, it wasn't that bad. And I only whined a little....

Kathleen said...

12 pounds?! Way to go, Arby!! What a great start