Monday, November 23, 2009

So, What's In Your Pants Pockets?

My pants weigh about three pounds.

Did you know that? More importantly, did you want to know that?

I discovered that this morning when I realized exactly how much stuff I keep in my pants pockets. This has been a running joke in our house for a long time, going back to the days when the Boss did laundry. That was way back in the last century. I would walk in the back door of our old house and find a mountain of pocket stuff on the clothes dryer. It was a source of mild annoyance for the Boss until it became a source of bemusement and then morphed into a shrug of the shoulders and a shake of the head.

My pants are filled!

The Boss was looking for her house keys this morning. After she asked me if I knew where her keys were I went straight to my pants. There has been more than one occasion where we’ve swapped keys and hers were discovered in my pants pockets the next morning. I picked my pants off the floor and heard the tell-tale jingle jangle of….

Allen Wrenches. Five of them, to be exact, all together on a key ring.

But wait! There was more jingling. I reached in and pulled out…

My house keys. And then the house keys for a friend of ours. We were watching their dogs this weekend.

I also pulled out 5 paper receipts, a lottery ticket, one piece of hot pink tag board on which was written information concerning a one-year-old chocolate lab named “Magnum” who was running the neighborhood, 2 dimes, one penny, 1 pop can tab, a flint and steel striker, the plastic sleeve to a new paint brush, my wallet, and a shopping list.

I smiled at the Boss. “Kinda makes you wonder how I keep them around my waist, doesn’t it?”

“I was thinking about Felix the Cat’s magic bag,” she replied.

Wouldn’t it have been funny if I pulled a canoe out of my pants?

What was even more surprising this morning was what I discovered when I put the contents of my pants on a scale. It was only 14 ounces! I was genuinely surprised. The heaviest items were my wallet, at five ounces, and my keys, at four ounces. I would have put that pile of stuff at a pound-and-a-half, easily!

My wallet is almost an inch-and-a-half thick, filled with important stuff. What isn’t in my wallet? Why, money, of course. I found one, lonely, folded, greenback.

Kinda pathetic, isn't it?

The Boss found her keys in her jacket pocket, hanging in the hallway closet.

So, what’s in your pants pockets?


Teacher Mommy said...

Um, nothing. Upon occasion you might find my cell phone (set on vibrate, of course) and perhaps my ring of car and lodgings keys, but usually...nothing.

That's cuz I'm a Gurl.

Anonymous said...

Not too much. Usually my military id. Sometimes paper or coins I pick up off the floor. The more important question is what's in my purse? Wallet, keys, cell phone, pen, money jingling on the bottom (to enjoy the merry Christmas sound all year long), diapers, snacks, sometimes a bottled water, and a partridge in a pear tree!! lol
Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Kathleen said...

You have more adult pants pockets than I do. Mine are filled with Polly Pockets, Polly Pocket accesssories, Legos, pencils (in the back pockets, and those hurt if you sit wrong and forget they are there!), beads, math manipulatives, trash that never made it to the trash can by little people but that I found and picked up...

My husband always chuckles when I empty my pockets because they are NEVER empty!

Kathleen said...

Oh, and having read TM and Michelle's comments. Just because I have empty pockets does not make me less of a girl. It's just that I despise carrying a purse.

Wait, maybe THAT fact makes me less gurl.

TobyBo said...


I almost always wear dresses... today's has no pockets. When I do have pockets, I generally carry a lipgloss, a rescue remedy pastille, the key to our medicine/cleaning supply cabinet, and a large eraser if it's a school day.

Leaving the house calls for grabbing my purse, which is small, and does not in fact contain much more than your pockets do. :)

CrossView said...

Wow! Them there's some full pockets! Guy's aren't that full. Oh wait! That's because he stuffs all his junk into MY purse! *sigh*

The_Kid said...

Dude, I got nuthin in my pockets.

My boss hauls around a couple pounds of change though. Always. When he starts playing with it, he sounds like a slot machine. I've never asked him about it.

Kathleen said...

WHY do men play with the change in their pockets? And, no, I'm not trying to ask a question filled with innuendo. I seriously want to know. Thankfully, my husband does not do that. But I've always wanted to know.

Autumn Beck said...

So glad you have the flint and steel striker. These days you never know when you'll be stranded in the middle of nowhere and need to start a fire for warmth and

I wear skirts and hardly have pockets but if I do I always end up tucking little pieces of trash I find around the house that I meant to put in the trashcan yet never quite made it.

GingerB said...

My pockets generally have only used Kleenex and bits of paper. Pens in pockets always end in tragedy. And I carry a big ol' purse. But Lord Honey? My man about town? Carries all that you have (minus the flint, but he'd like one, I think) plus two cutting implements and seriously about thirty keys, and far more change than makes any sense to me. What is up with the change? What? Tell me, man blogger, why do men need so many coins?? Please?