Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Let's Celebrate Tomorrow!

Tonight the Boss and I are heading out to Pete’s New and Used Automobile Emporium. We’ve had our eye on a 1983 Chevy Suburban. We hope to bring it home tonight. Tomorrow morning we are going to fire up the beast on our driveway and let it run until at least one full tank of gas is consumed. While we are at it, we’ll probably run the Camry and the Sienna, too. Inside the house, we will be opening all of the windows and running the central air unit after setting the thermostat at 60 degrees. That’s after we turn on all the lights, two TV sets, and every radio we can get our hands on. The children will be encouraged to leave the lights on in every room they exit, a task I know they’ve mastered. I will not recycle tomorrow. I might throw my compost materials in the regular trash after spraying the weeds with used motor oil. That should kill a few dandelions. We might even rent a few cows and let them graze on bushels full of broccoli in the backyard.

Why will we be doing this, you ask?

We’ll be celebrating Earth Day, of course.

If anyone has any suggestions for more ways to celebrate, I’m listening.

And will someone please explain to me how Iceland’s volcanic eruption is George Bush’s fault?

15 comments:

Some Guy said...

Don't forget spraying aerosol cans filled with CFCs.

Kathleen said...

If GW is responsible for the earthquake in Haiti, he must also be responsible for the eruption of Volcano-Don't-Know-How-to-Say-or-Spell-It.

For Earth Day...hmmm. You might consider buying a flatulent cow. Not sure how you determine whether it is of the flatulent persuasion...OR maybe you could send your boys outside and let them have a go at it.

The Pirate Mom said...

Take bubble baths instead of showers.

Run the dryer on high. Make sure to do it an extra fifteen minutes to get rid of wrinkles.

Chop down a tree.

Leave your TV on all day. Leave it on C-SPAN and listen to what else GW is responsible for.

Teacher Mommy said...

~rolls eyes~

Of course, yesterday I had a number of people wishing me a happy holiday too. Not one that I celebrate myself.

Mrs. A said...

Laundry, Arby! Wash everything regardless of the degree of dinginess. Then, USE THE DRYER!!! After everyone's clothing, you can do stuffed animals, anything in the linen closet, small rugs and the curtains since the windows are going to be open anyway.

Baking is another great way to celebrate Earth Day. Use the oven as much as possible. And since the AC will be on, you can leave it on and just hang the door open for as long as you like...

Michelle said...

Don't forget to let your kids play useful video games all day long-don't let them ruin their brain cells by reading. Turn your gas grill on and let it go all day-this way it will be ready to go when you need it for dinner. Wash all of your dishes again-even the ones in the cupboard. I never understood how clean silverware makes crumbs in the silverware tray-no now is the time to rewash!

Oklahoma Granny said...

Since your lawn is part of the earth and you are celebrating it after all, I think mowing would be in order and then watering the grass extremely well allowing the water to run on into the neighbors' yards and street. And while you've got the water on, be sure to wash all the cars, bicycles, windows,etc.

While your kids are doing their school work, if they make even the slightest mistake, encourage them to start over on brand new pieces of paper.

You should go shopping at stores that use plastic bags to put your purchases in.

Babysit some very young ones and make sure their diapers are never in the least bit damp.

That's all I've got.

Monica @ Educating Magpies said...

heh heh heh enjoy Merry Earthday

Theocentrica said...

Burn tires and styrofoam.

TobyBo said...

DDT! Buy ivory piano keys! Make sure all your food is highly processed and overpackaged! Lots of caustic cleaning supplies!

Arby said...

Andy on Facebook said:

"Oh, this is too funny. Let see; it is time I go ahead with the large bomb fire in the back yard. Forget getting any burn permits as we are four inches under the norm. Besides, the grass needs a good burning. There is at the very least, four square of old roofing shingles and two used tires. Should be a good blast when the spray paint goes boom. All the while, I will be shooting some left over green jugs of R-22 freon with an SKS Russian Assault rifle. "

Brownie said...

I was reading this and I couldn't figure out what was going on... I realize I've been a bit slow lately (still blaming the meds). But then I got it.... oh, yeah... Earth Day. I usually just shake my head and roll my eyes at that. But I read through all the comments and suggestions and I will say that I must be participating often because:

1. My 5 yr old STILL wears disposable pull-ups.
2. I frequently take long, hot, bubble baths in my whirl pool tub (with the heater so it never cools down)... for at least an hour.
3. Our TV is on most the time.
4. Our lights are own too much of the time.
5. Sir burns the oil he drains out of the car.
6. I always use the clothes dryer because I'm just too lazy to drag the basket of wet clothes up from the basement to the backyard. Besides, I love the scent of fresh, hot, clothes.
7. I've been known to forget the clothes in the dryer; so run the dryer for a bit to get the wrinkles out.
8. I throw my garbage in the trash can for the garbage man to pick up. I should recycle I suppose. Sir does take the newspapers to the recycle place (I'm not sure where it is).
9. I use Styrofoam.

Now.. on another note. The Bible does teach us that we are to be faithful stewards of what God has given us. So we should care for our earthly home in gratitude and obedience to our Creator and not because of some warped worship that which has been created.

Just had to say that last piece :)

The_Kid said...

Can you coerce Mother Nature to generate a giant sinkhole in Tennessee and swallow al gore's mansion?

Outside of that, we can wish for the ocean to cough up a few sextillion cubic feet of Methane from those huge methane stores it has.

Let's fire out a story about how Plastic actually dissolves into the soil and removes all other pollutants. That is true of course.

Or we could just celebrate the fact that the air and water are at least ONE THOUSAND TIMES CLEANER THAN when I was 15 years old.

Anyway Arby, Thanks for the reminder.

Papa Bear said...

Wasn't there some nonsense about a month ago where everyone was supposed to turn out all their lights and burn candles (paraffin, presumably) for an hour to prevent global warming? I had planned to turn on all the lights in the house and have a bonfire in the back yard, but I had to be somewhere else at the time.

Reminds me of Ann Coulter's Godless: The Church of Liberalism, especially the chapter where she lists all the contradictory things you have to believe to be a liberal. I know how to celebrate! Lots of unprotected, heterosexual IN wedlock sex! We'll be producing the two things "save the earth" types hate most: CO2 and Babies!

Sgt. Wolverine said...

Just remember: when Earth Day started, certain people were in a panic about global cooling. That gives me all the reason I need to enjoy all the earth's resources in abundance on Earth Day!