Wednesday, June 2, 2010

One Good Meme and You Don't Have to Think

I have been both busy and uninspired lately, so writing has been a low priority on my list of things to do. When I sat down to write this morning, the power went off in the entire house the moment I touched the space bar on my keyboard with my thumb. An hour later power returned and along with it, a meme from Diapers and Dragons. So, here goes…

Five Questions…

1. Where were you five years ago?

Five years ago I was here in Apathy, Kansas. We had just moved here a few months earlier. Mayor Wrinkles had just won his “final” election based upon his request to finish his crowning achievement, “Apathy Town Center.” Apathy Town Center was to become the down town shopping district for our small city. He needed one final term to complete this dream. Back then, Apathy Town Center looked like this:

One year ago, Mayor Wrinkles asked voters to give him one final, final term in office to complete his crowning achievement, Apathy Town Center. Those residents who bothered to vote fulfilled his request. Today, Apathy Town Center looks like this:

With this sign at the entrance:

Impressive, isn’t it?

2. Where would you like to be five years from now?

The older I get the more I appreciate the blessings that I have, so I don’t have a big wish list. Five years from now I would like to still be vertical with automatic respiration, enjoying life with my wife and children.

3. What are five things on your To-Do List for today?

One. Let General Mayhem sleep in. He got up to attend an Eagle Scout project this morning and was a complete beast to his brother and sister. I sent him back to bed. If he emerges from his room as a human being I might allow him out in public.

Two. Scale Mount Clothesmore. The peak is covered in white, which means that I might be down to my emergency underwear. They’re red. I try very hard not to wear red underwear in public, so I need to do the wash. I apologize. I realize that was a TMI moment.

Three. Straighten the house. It’s crooked.

Four. Listen to Major Havoc and Captain Chaos bitch and moan at each other. From the sound of things, I’m going to have to do this anyway. I might as well put it on my "To Do" list so that I can scratch it off later in the day and feel like I have accomplished something.

Five. Post something, anything, on my blog. Even a meme. I’m in a dry spell.

4. What are five snacks you enjoy?

Think of any five items that are high in fat, sugar, and carbohydrates, while low in protein and dietary fiber and I’m all over them.

5. What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?

One. Live smack dab in the middle of a HUGE parcel of land that would allow me to wander about my day totally naked. That would mean that I could

Two. Make a bon fire and burn my red underwear. I wouldn’t need them, because naked people don’t need any underwear, let alone a red emergency pair.

Three. Make large donations to pro-life organizations, the Ronald McDonald House, and Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City from the comfort of my home. For obvious reasons, video conferencing would not be allowed.

Four. Golf. With my favorite golf partner. I would rather golf with my wife than any other person on the planet. We shot nine holes for the first time in years on Monday. On the fourth fairway, after spending considerable time helping her locate her ball in the tall rough on the right side of each of the first four holes, we searched for yet another shot that veered right into thick grass. As we approached the approximate location of her ball she observed, “Herein lies the problem with sucking.” I chuckled over that one for the rest of the afternoon.

Five. Pay for the therapy bills for anyone who has read this far down today’s blog.

I know that I am supposed to tag five people to continue this meme, but I don't really care whether or not it survives.  After all, I do live in Apathy...


Teacher Mommy said...

Oh the giggles....thank you for that.

(And I have WAY too many mental pictures now.)

Michelle said...

Love the towne center. I'm very impressed. When we do our across the country road trip, may I stop and you give us a tour?

I too, have the same mountain. Perhaps, we live nearer than we think?

Good luck on winning the lottery. I'm still waiting for lady luck to show up at the door with the winning ticket in hand.

jedijson said...

*snort* AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm totally going to be posting my answers to these questions tomorrow. I only hope they're as funny as yours.

Brownie said...

I read all the way down. What does that say about me??

I too have been lacking blogging oomph. After all - I resorted to pictures and the recipe for spamwiches!

Oklahoma Granny said...

I thought only my husband had colored emergency underwear. I'll have to tell him yours are red. :)

tsinclair said...

Love the nice sign - sounds like it will be a great place for your grandchildren to enjoy. :-)

Kathleen said...

"vertical with automatic respiration" LOL!

Running around naked? Red underwear? Thankfully, I didn't read ANYTHING about that, so therefore I will not need therapy.

Linda said...

LOL @Kathleen!! I'll bet you went back and looked for the part about red underwear, didn't you?!?!?

Hey, I have a blogging idea for you, my uninspired friend (notice I said "uninspired", not "uninspiring"? You could tell all your thousands of readers that Prodoceo is back!!! (hint, hint, hint) :-)

Papa Bear said...

I don't usually read memes, but this was good!
Been having a bit of a dry spell myself. Stuff happens, but I don't have time to write about it. Then Sunday, I got a burr under my saddle and wrote an angry screed. I wasn't fool enough to post it, but that didn't keep me from spending two or three hours writing it.

monica @ paper bridges said...


so. . . playing golf naked, are we? or YOU, I should say. I like my clothes, thankyouverymuch

shannon i olson said...

I popped over from Brownies blog, this is quite funny, enjoyed it and I fear I shall have to check the house for red underwear.....we have a fire pit.
no therapy needed.......yet

L. said...

Too funny for words. You're definitely NOT off your game, Arby. Thanks for the reading fun.

TherExtras said...

Even 'dry' and with TMI you provide a good read. Thanks!

S.K. said...