Thursday, June 24, 2010

One Small Step for Apathy

I am SO excited I could just squee! Well, not really, because real men don’t squee.

Or tweet.

The Apathy Times, “Yesterday’s News When We Get Around To Printing It,” reported yesterday that Mayor Wrinkles’ plan for turning the great dirt pile on Main Street into a vibrant shopping Mecca have taken a gigantic turn to the… southeast, I suppose. What direction is Mecca from Apathy, Kansas? If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, shouldn’t we be praying to our feet?  There I go on another one of those tangents.

As you may recall, Mayor Wrinkles has made it his mission to bring commerce to our small village. So far his tenure has brought us an Arby’s, a Burger King, a small Mexican restaurant, a Popeye’s Fried Chicken, a Sonic, and a Barista’s Coffee Shack. We have an Ihop under construction and two brand new strip malls with 95% vacancies.

But wait! There’s more!

The gigantic dirt pile on Main Street has been taken over by a third developer and our city council approved plans to add…

Wait for it…

A McDonald’s!

Apathy, Kansas, joins the 21st century! We get out very own set of golden arches!

SQU-

Yeah!

This may be good for our small town. I wonder if we've finally found our anchor store.  After McDonald’s adds it’s particular brand of fat to our community’s diet, we should be just about the right size to attract a Weight Watcher’s, a Slim 4 Life, a Nutrisystem, a Jenny Craig, and another unused gym or two to compete with our mostly unused gym in one of the empty strip malls.

Now that’s progress!

P.S.  Councilman Newfangled, all jokes aside, I know you work hard for us. Especially on French door installations. Thanks for all your hard work on a mostly thankless job!

6 comments:

Khourt said...

Love it :) Seems our little small towns is growing too... Mostly fast-food wise.. What has the world come to that most people eat fast food more or pre-packaged food more than they do regular food???

Papa Bear said...

Reminds me of a quote from Corner Gas:
"I'm gonna bring this town into the twentieth century!"
"Good. Then it will only be a hundred years behind."

Papa Bear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Papa Bear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Papa Bear said...

"So far his tenure has brought us an Arby’s..."
...so *that's* why you came to town. Thanks for all the sandwiches. As the sign says, "Arby's Roast Beef Sandwiches Are Delicious."

Now let's see if Blogger lets me post this. Last time, I kept getting error messages that told me to try again. On the third try, it posted all three copies of my comment. I tried deleting the redundant copies, and now they say "This post has been removed by the author. Like it was my mistake and not theirs.

Linda said...

coffee.. coffee... good coffee- that's all that matters. :)