Sunday, July 11, 2010

Boundless Summer Challenge: Task #2

I am participating in Boundless Webzine's Boundless Summer Challenge. Task #2 asked us to read and respond to Scott Croft's series of essays on Biblical dating.  His essays can be found here. Contest rules can be found here.

The secular me and the Christ-following me run a simultaneous dialogue in the back of my head while reading a series of essays such as Scott Croft’s “Biblical Dating.” The secular me asks, “You want me to behave how? Are you kidding? First of all, you never buy the dairy when you can get the milk for free. Secondly, you always test the milk first because you don’t want to be stuck with anything sour!” That works for dating, right? The newly emergent Christ-following me understands that Mr. Croft’s suggestions for appropriate Christian dating behavior recognize that God did not give us one standard of behavior for married life that recognizes His will, but the freedom to do as we please, sometimes behaving in a manner diametrically opposed to His will, before then. The secular me doesn’t recognize God’s supremacy. The Christ-following me understands that “as Christians, we don't get a free pass to carnality” while we are dating. I’d like to write that the newly emergent Christ-following me completely crushed the secular me, but I’d be lying. I understand the secular approach well. Several decades of secular living are difficult to shake off. I do wish that I learned this stuff earlier in life. It would have saved a lot of heart ache and expense. Either way, I am grateful for these lessons as I have children, one of whom is just recognizing that girls rock! I am trying to gracefully teach him now what I didn’t learn so many years ago.


These essays helped me coalesce those strings of scripture that I have repeatedly read and understood but have never gelled into one cohesive thought that I can easily explain to another person. If we love our neighbor as we love ourselves, then we want our neighbor to love the Lord our God with all their heart, soul, strength and mind. We do not want to lead them astray from God’s will. How can we do this while dating (from the man’s perspective) if we do not love our girlfriend the way that Christ loved the church? Did Christ do anything that caused a man to sin? Should we? Mr. Croft was correct when he advised that we should not “start what you cannot — without sin —finish.” It is quite challenging to transition fifteen years into our journey from a secular marriage to a marriage where I love my wife the way that Christ loved the church. By the Grace of God, it is changing.

6 comments:

Brownie said...

I'll have to take a look at those essays. Right now we're sort of operating under the "you can date when you're ready to be married" idea. It will work while she's at home. But it does cause her to understand the seriousness of "dating." I'm firmly against dating as a fun activity - because it can lead into some serious trouble. Of course Blondie's only 13 - but she has already turned down one date!

tsinclair said...

I appreciate your honesty on your conflicting "dialogues". It can be difficult for many of us who did not learn these values early on. However, maybe it helps us to relate to the ones who are still not where we are yet.

Having 2 boys, I pray daily that they will be able to follow God's plan for them - especially through those dating/pre-marriage years.

Pamela said...

I think it's important that someone is standing up and proclaiming that it doesn't have to be the way it is. Sure wish someone would have told me that... probably would have been the difference between being a Violence Unsilenced post writer or not.

Kathleen said...

Great post! Heading over to read the essays...

Michelle said...

Awesome post. I enjoyed your conflicting thoughts. I will head over to read the essays.
Have a great week!

Ted Slater said...

Y'all, it's so good to see the discussion here! On one hand, I do believe that we should take "dating" seriously. On the other hand, I've seen some take it so seriously that they consider it "pre-engagement," and they get paralyzed in fear. Here are my thoughts on this whole matter:

http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/07/dating-is-just-fine.html

Ted (editor of Boundless.org)