eBellay Buttons

LATE last night, after priming one half of the basement ceiling, and well into a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade, I sat down to read through some of the comments left on my blog. Kellie, aka The Pirate Mom, left an interesting suggestion on the bottom of "Odds-N-Ends 1.1." She suggested that I look on eBay for a belly button instead of visiting area thrift stores with Captain Chaos. I took Kellie's advice and logged onto eBay. After typing the words "belly button" into their search engine, I discovered 2,990 results. Unfortunately, they all appeared to be listings for belly button jewelry. I don't need belly button jewelry. I wouldn't know where to...hang it? Insert it? Stick it? How does belly button jewelry work? I have no clue. I was absolutely afraid to click on the link for "Men's Jewelry" in the left hand column of the results page. Men's belly button jewelry? Yuck.

Next, I logged onto the Home Shopping Network. Typing the words "belly button" into their search engine, I learned that the HSN does not trade in belly buttons. The search results returned a listing for "The Territory Ahead Go Along Shorts" and an interesting device called the "Paw Monster 5-in-1 Paw and Body Grooming Tool." That was kind of scary. What exactly goes on inside one of those belly buttons that you would need this tool for maintenance? I'm kinda glad I don't have one.

Undaunted, I turned to the one internet search engine that would give me the information that I need to obtain a belly button, "Google." If it's out there, Google knows it. 0.26 seconds later I had 4,440,000 listings for "belly button." Six listings from the top of the page I found exactly what I needed. Plasticsurgery4u.com carried the complete listing of surgical services, including the shaping and restructuring of the umbilicus for a mere $1,800.00. I am currently awaiting an answer to my e-mail inquiry that asked if the good doctor can create a navel where none existed previously.

$1,800 bucks for a belly button ain't too shabby. Of course, I doubt that I can justify that surgery to my insurance company. And I bet the Boss thinks she has far better uses for $1,800 dollars than buying her husband a new navel. I bet she would rather redecorate a bathroom or two, or remodel the kitchen, or install a new sliding glass door on the back of the house, or buy curriculum for our children's educations. Selfish woman. Of course, it wouldn't be just $1,800.00 for a new belly button, either. Apparently, I'd have to spend an additional $15.95 plus shipping for one of those Paw Monster thinigies just to keep a hole in my abdomen clean.

Ah, never mind. I'll just stay the way I am. It gives the kids something to wonder about and provides plenty of cheap fodder for Friday morning blogs when I really have nothing worthwhile to say.

Odds-N-Ends 1.1

It's always fun to receive a new comment from a new reader. It's equally humbling to look at their blogsite and discover that your blog is already listed on their sidebar. Allow me to give a shout-out to Autumn Beck over at "Do I Need a Bigger Plate?" Thanks for reading! Everyone should pop over (after you've read this entry) and make Autumn's site meter spike.

The fat didn't roll off quite as quickly last week as in previous weeks. I dropped 1.6 pounds. I will admit to being disappointed, but it is still weight loss. I am tipping the scales at 223, down from 242. Any loss is good. I was faced with a couple of challenges last week, including a delicious cake on the kitchen counter compliments of Major Havoc and his desire to welcome home his older brother from a week at Camp Sweaty Scout, and the incredible Al Cribari's Barbeque Pot Roast with ribs substituted for pot roast from The Frugal Gourmet Cooks with Wine, compliments of yours truly. The first feel-good reward for weeks of dieting came when I tried on an old suit that did not fit and discovered that it now not only fits, but fits comfortably with a little room to spare. It was like being reacquainted with an old friend. I weigh in a few days early this week because I will be out of town for the weekend. Since there is no Weight Watchers meeting on the Fourth of July I won't have a new weight for a couple of weeks. I'm hoping to at least top 20 pounds lost this Thursday. I'll only need to drop .6 pounds to do so.

I spent Saturday afternoon at a wedding. I didn't know the bride and barely knew the groom. They were people who work with the Boss. There were several people at the reception asking one another how they knew the newly wedded couple. If asked, I was planning on telling them that I knew neither, but had seen an announcement in the paper and thought I'd stop by for a free meal. No one asked. The afternoon was pleasurable for several reasons. It was an afternoon without the kids, accompanied by the very pretty Boss. We sat at a table with some friends and enjoyed good company. The Boss was a bit puzzled by the entire event until she realized that it was the first wedding reception she had ever attended that was dry. Apparently a wedding reception is quite different when the room is not spinning. That's what growing up in Wisconsin will do for you!

Father's Day was one long work session as I had to perform goldfish CPR on Methuselah, who suffered the ill effects of Captain Chaos deciding to feed the fish by pouring an entire container of fish food into the tank. No amount of work cleared the water on Saturday night, so on Sunday I transferred the fish into a large bowl, dismantled the tank, thoroughly cleaned it, and then put it back together. Today, the old fish is back in her aquatic digs with new gravel, fresh water, and a new location in the house.

That's the update. Riveting stuff. Thanks for making it to the bottom of this entry. You may now run screaming for the door.

Addendum (added later)

I did forget to mention the cutest event of the weekend. In a rare occurrence in the Arby household, I spent two hours Friday morning without wearing a shirt. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in front of my children without wearing a shirt. Captain Chaos looked at my bare abdomen and said, "Daddy, you don't have a belly button."

"You are correct," I replied.

"We need to go to the store to buy you one," she told me.

I found this so amusing that after the Boss came home from work Friday night I asked the Captain to tell mommy her plan.

"Daddy doesn't have a belly button," the Captain explained.

"I know," mommy replied.

"We need to go to the store and buy daddy a belly button," she continued.

The Boss laughed. "And what store would you like to go to?" she asked.

"A thrift store!" stated Ms. Chaos.

"A thrift store?!" exclaimed the Boss. "You want to buy daddy a used belly button?!"

"Yep!" my daughter proudly confirmed.

So, I am worth a new belly button, but only a used new belly button. Maybe I'll just get a belly button tattoo.

On my forearm.