Friday, June 26, 2009

eBellay Buttons

LATE last night, after priming one half of the basement ceiling, and well into a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade, I sat down to read through some of the comments left on my blog. Kellie, aka The Pirate Mom, left an interesting suggestion on the bottom of "Odds-N-Ends 1.1." She suggested that I look on eBay for a belly button instead of visiting area thrift stores with Captain Chaos. I took Kellie's advice and logged onto eBay. After typing the words "belly button" into their search engine, I discovered 2,990 results. Unfortunately, they all appeared to be listings for belly button jewelry. I don't need belly button jewelry. I wouldn't know where to...hang it? Insert it? Stick it? How does belly button jewelry work? I have no clue. I was absolutely afraid to click on the link for "Men's Jewelry" in the left hand column of the results page. Men's belly button jewelry? Yuck.

Next, I logged onto the Home Shopping Network. Typing the words "belly button" into their search engine, I learned that the HSN does not trade in belly buttons. The search results returned a listing for "The Territory Ahead Go Along Shorts" and an interesting device called the "Paw Monster 5-in-1 Paw and Body Grooming Tool." That was kind of scary. What exactly goes on inside one of those belly buttons that you would need this tool for maintenance? I'm kinda glad I don't have one.
Undaunted, I turned to the one internet search engine that would give me the information that I need to obtain a belly button, "Google." If it's out there, Google knows it. 0.26 seconds later I had 4,440,000 listings for "belly button." Six listings from the top of the page I found exactly what I needed. carried the complete listing of surgical services, including the shaping and restructuring of the umbilicus for a mere $1,800.00. I am currently awaiting an answer to my e-mail inquiry that asked if the good doctor can create a navel where none existed previously.

$1,800 bucks for a belly button ain't too shabby. Of course, I doubt that I can justify that surgery to my insurance company. And I bet the Boss thinks she has far better uses for $1,800 dollars than buying her husband a new navel. I bet she would rather redecorate a bathroom or two, or remodel the kitchen, or install a new sliding glass door on the back of the house, or buy curriculum for our children's educations. Selfish woman. Of course, it wouldn't be just $1,800.00 for a new belly button, either. Apparently, I'd have to spend an additional $15.95 plus shipping for one of those Paw Monster thinigies just to keep a hole in my abdomen clean.

Ah, never mind. I'll just stay the way I am. It gives the kids something to wonder about and provides plenty of cheap fodder for Friday morning blogs when I really have nothing worthwhile to say.


Kathleen said...

I would suggest that you call the White House to inquire about whether or not O's new healthcare plan covers New Navels.

CrossView said...

I believe you just may be the first person evah to have searched for a belly button.

I guess I just take my own for granted. Now I wonder if mine is feeling neglected because of that? *sigh*

TeacherMommy said...

Just think of the lint collection you COULD have been making all these years. That would be perfect fodder for Friday morning posts. Well worth the money, I'd say.

Kellie said...

LOL, Arby! Glad that I at least inspired a post with my silly comment. What does that say about me that it was about bellybuttons? Nevermind...don't answer that. =)